Security = Independence

My boyfriend and I have been dating for over a year and a half now. We’ve been incubating in a bubble of love, laughter, tension and tears, as we learn about ourselves and how we truly live with one another. There has been soaring highs and lows, but through each tension point we always come back to more security.

I read something recently that said in relationships, our recurring issues never really resolve and we only have a few choices when we encounter those issues; accept and let go, shift ourselves, or leave. My conflict avoidance has always led me to ‘panic quit’ as a co-worker of mine would say, rather then lean into more vulnerability and working through issues. But my partner, god bless him, would not allow that to happen nor did I want it to happen.

So we have talked a lot, even when it was really difficult. Through talking, not only did we have a better understanding of each other’s perspectives, but we were also able to compromise and find more harmony. Now, for the first time in my existence, I felt the security that comes after coming into conflict with someone and making it out on the other side.

The security I have found through this process has opened us up into the next stage of our relationship. The caterpillar has become the butterfly and we can flit about the meadow as we need. There’s no panic when another connection outside the relationship is made, no pain when we spend half the weekend doing what we want to do. Our security has opened up our independence to be more complete individuals for ourselves and each other.